There was no pressure. There were no expectations set forth.
It was a conscious decision. It was a well-calculated decision.
It was also spontaneous. It was also in the heat of the moment.
My agency is defined by my social environment but it is my agency that made the choice.
This landscape is grey. This landscape is uncertain.
How do we with growing agencies decide? How does my developing agency decide that it is okay?
I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents this week. I’ve been thinking about how I’ve been brought up and the values that I have learnt to incorporate into my life.
I have yet to identify why I feel so at peace with the choices that I have made.
And above it all, I feel that I have no qualms in letting my parents in on the choices I have made.
I don’t see the need to hide. I don’t see the need to appease. I don’t see the need to conform.
I trust in the decisions that I make. I trust in my parents to accept the decisions that I have made.
I cannot help but feel a sense of overwhelming gratefulness for my parents who have contributed to the formation of my identity with unconditional regard.
I realised then it is not what they taught me, but how they taught me.
Dear reader, I am strangely at peace.
Within me, a formidable force grows.
She is still fragile. She is still hesitant. She is still filled with excuses but she tries.
She bloody tries.